This not the story people expect me to tell, though my story wasn’t well known. We dealt with it silently, we didn’t want their questions, their frustration to affect us and we didn’t want them to fill our faith with doubt. So we spoke to only those close to us, but as the months went by we got more closed mouthed about it and more vague when people directly asked. Their efforts to comfort us, only frustrated us more. Here is our story.
My husband and I were happily married March 8, 2014 and we loved our lives together. Everyday life is good with us and we enjoyed the normality of being together. Being an older couple getting married (both 29 when married), we didn’t really want to be old parents. At our 2 anniversary we decided to talk about kids, sounding selfish, we didn’t really want kids yet. We loved our freedom and we loved our lives. Still we decided that at the beginning of the next year we will be grudgingly stop the birth control and consider children at that time. This allowed me to finish out the last year of teaching without our private small church school to be out with a teacher if I got pregnant right away and my husband to go full time in his business.
Months passed, no positive pregnancy test. We really hadn’t warmed up to the idea yet and I know we sound selfish to some. But by summer a 2 week missed period and no positive pregnancy test, was the first time we realized that we really did want a baby. We were sad, but something turned at that point and this party of two was not complete without a 3rd, a child of our own.
Next 2 months were rough cause I had irregular periods, something I had for my whole life until recent years. My doctors had always blamed it on my thyroid problems, I had Thyroid Cancer at age 21 and the rest of my life I would have to have thyroid hormone replacement pills to fill in for my missing gland. That fall I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, PCOS, which explained a lot of things often bunched under my thyroid problems. PCOS, is a very common among women of child baring age and effects 1 in 10 women, infertility being one of them.
By the first of the next year, no pregnancy I had strike number 3. Thyroid problems being first, PCOS and now one year had passed and no pregnancy. I officially was a case of infertility with high risks. Doctors checked me over and finally one told me this, “I have 50 reasons why you can’t get pregnant and 50 why there is no reason in the world you’re not pregnant.” Next several months where filled with tons of nasty pills that made me very sick, fertility specialist visits and lots of negative pregnancy test. By Spring I was done with the pills, we had fired are very dramatic frustrating fertility specialist and I had stopped telling my husband that once again the test was negative. We just stopped getting caught up in the push to have a kid and decided to do what we had always done. Trust.
See here the part of the story we left out, trust. We knew going into trying to have a baby that it would be hard. We had eyes wide open on the fact. My doctor after having Thyroid Cancer told me, “You need to have all your children you want by 25.” Every year past 25, he warned me my chances where getting slim. I didn’t meet Ryan till I was 29 and married him a couple months before my 30th. But we trusted, we trusted God. We have read in our bible time after time after time after time where God open and shut the wombs of women. We knew that God would give us a baby in His time and our faith was built strong in that. We never doubted God and all the frustration I had was more that I had such a broken damaged body that might not ever hold a blood child for my husband. We knew that if God didn’t give us a child of our own, He would give us a child another way. We never doubted, and we were ready for what ever God would give us.
When others found out the trouble we were having this was the most frustrating parts. Immediately they tried to comfort us with tears in their eyes, saying “Don’t loose faith… oh you can always adopt.” This was such a confusing comment, Don’t loose faith but if you do just adopt someone else’s kid. We weren’t losing faith and besides we had learned that adoption takes a lot of faith and trust. Adoptions fall though so often after you open your heart to the possibility only to be crushed. It was more painful then the negative pregnancy test. We knew that if God would give us a child though adoption that it would have to be God ordained. It was the words that people would say, “I know that God will give you a child when it time.” Or “I’ll be praying for you.” That where the most comforting, it didn’t doubt our faith and encourage us instead.
But we forgot to do one key thing in all our faith and trusting… ask. At Oregon District Family Conference, August 2017, the first night Br. Martyn Ballestero preached a profoundly simple message about asking God for the desires of your heart. My husband run the sound during the conference. At the end of the message, we were unable to go to the front of the church during alter call because we have to stay in the back to continue running sound. I turned smiling to my husband and said, “Why don’t we ask God for a baby?” he smiled and responded while giving me a hug, “Well just ask.” In a silent quick prayer, I did. “Lord, you know we trust you, but we never asked, but we ask now. We would like a baby.” Then back to working the sound we went.
3 and half weeks later on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I don’t know why. I had nothing to indicate I was pregnant. When I looked at test and it showed the two famous lines I stood stunned. At that same moment, my husband who had already left for the day came walking back in to get something he forgot. I chucked the test into the bathroom because I hadn’t process the information enough to tell him. After he left it took a solid 10 minutes to find the test after I tore apart the bathroom. A call to the doctor and a blood test and a long agonizing day of waiting for the results. I got the called that it was true. I told my husband that night and thankfully recorded his very stunned actions.
Now I sit here at 6 months pregnant with a darling little girl in my belly. She a very strong-willed child already and proven to beat so many odds. I was told it would be a high-risk pregnancy going in, she has proven that all wrong lower herself to a low risk. She proved she wasn’t going anywhere by showing her presents as early as 12 weeks in the form of a bump and kicking me continuously from week 14, both being unusual for a first-time pregnancy. We decided on a name to honor two of the dearest ladies in our lives, my Grandma Betty and Ryan’s mother, Rosetta, Little Betty Rose Murphy.
We know other’s stories are more of a struggle, they waited longer had more disappointments. We never were sad or frustrated when others got pregnant and actually it gave us faith that our turn would come. We rejoiced with them, prayed for those we knew where struggling and felt their pain.
I don’t know what the future holds for our little girl, I know that God has given us the child we had trusted in for so long and the child we finally asked for. We looked forward to holding her this May 2018.
From the mommy to be,