Politically Correct Christmas... I Mean Holiday Report

NEWS FLASH - The Politically Correct Police have stormed the country this Christmas… Holiday. Watch out they may invade you town at anytime! If you don’t want to persecute or possibly offend someone else, we advise you at this time to do the following. Please remove all “Christmas” from all your Holiday display. The word has “Christ” in it and to the unbeliever this might upset them. From now on all Christmas items will be replaced with the word “Holiday”. They will be Holiday Cards, Holiday Cookies, Holiday Trees, Holiday Songs, and so on.

Santa Clause has been sued. We tried to speak to Santa but only his lawyer was reached. Mr. Scrooge D. Elf, Santa’s lawyer was only able to give us a statement and unable to answer questions. The following is Santa’s Christmas…Holiday changes.

“Mr. Clause, from this day forward will no longer say ‘Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night’ instead he will be saying the statement. ‘Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night’.

Mr. Clause will also not be checking to see if the kids have been naughty or nice. For if a child receives a lump of coal this Christmas … Holiday it might offend him. Thus every child, no matter what state of behavior, we must give a toy. Every child will also must receive every item off his wish list or the belief of Santa will be lost.

Mr. Clause, will no longer be known as St. Nick, this might offend those who do not believe in Saints, this is religious term. Mr. & Mrs. Clause will also be put on a strict diet because their unhealthy state of weight is not a good role model to the kids. We ask that instead of Christmas…Holiday cookies that you place Slim Fast and Weight Watchers Granola Bars.

The twelve reindeer have now been replaced with other such animals. Deer, Bears, three fish, Cats, a bird and a skunk, will now pull Mr. Clause’s sled. We felt that it might offend the other animals if we use only reindeer. Rudolph will not be able to pull the sled this year and neither will the twelve reindeers because of the Rudolph’s lawsuit. Just a reminder, that it is not nice to make fun of a reindeer with red noses. Thank you.” ~ Mr. Scrooge D. Elf, Santa's Lawyer.

We do have an update on Mr. Tiny Tim. It seems that he is doing well after all his counseling that he has received. He will return to the Cratchit family, after he was removed for making the statement. “God Bless us, every one.” It seems that the Cratchit parents had some type religious influence on him, causing him to make that statement. If this happens again, Tiny Tim will be removed and put in a foster home with gay parents and drug addicted foster siblings, which will be a better place for Tiny Tim. Mr. & Mrs. Cratchit will be jailed.

You will also be seeing the following new stories on the bookshelves this Christmas…Holiday Season. “The Holiday Carol”, “ Twas the Night before the Holidays”, “The Gift from Maggie” and “The Best Holiday Pageant Ever”. Also most of you favorite Christmas…Holiday Songs have been changed. “We Wish You a Merry Season” “Have yourself a Happy Little Holiday” “I heard the Bells on that Holiday Day” and “We Need a Little Seasons Greetings”. Any songs that refer to a babe born in Bethlehem, or Angels, Shepherds, Wise Men or a Manger will not be sung this year.

Also the 25th of December will no longer be called Christmas Day. Since Holiday is such a generic term, the day will now simply be called "25th of December", just as Cinco De Mayo is called in Spanish the 5th of May. The 24th will simply be called the "25th of December Eve".

Again, we warn you of the following changes. Just incase, you get caught offending another. We do hear that many Christians are offended by these changes, but that doesn’t matter. The Bible tells them not to be offended, so this should pass once they pray thought about it.

For now we would like to say… “Happy Holiday” or “Seasons Greetings” or maybe “Happy Greetings” or “Seasons Holidays” or maybe “Holiday Greetings” oh forget it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Jacqueline

PS. Oh tell my family I love them and Merry Christmas, the Politically Correct Police have finally caught up with me!~