Voices of Truth

I rolled over and looked again, the bring red numbers glared at me, it was 4am. I had only slept 3 hours and now I was wide awake. “What was I doing?” I thought, “I can’t go through with this! I’m not ready!” Yet, I had seen it already; I was on the program I couldn’t bow out now! But even now in the dark I was shaking, I had to be brave but I was scared more than anyone could every know.

Oh, What I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat, I’m in, onto the crashing waves…

Creative Ministry Solution, formally known as One Way Street would put on a weekend Puppet Conference every year right here in Phoenix. In March, of this year I had begun the Puppet Ministry for our church and I knew this resource was invaluable and much needed. I had a lot to learn, and I wanted our team to compete in the Puppet Song Competition but decided we weren’t quite ready. But as I read more about the conference I saw there was another Competition for Creative Ministry, entries could be Clowns, Mime Acts, Rod Ministry, Puppet Skits, & Ventriloquism. It was the latter that caught my attention, could I actually pull off a Vent routine?

To step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown Where Jesus is, and he’s holding out his hand…

Working with normal puppet team, you have an advantage but it could also be a disadvantage. I do most of my work behind a puppet stage, blocked from staring eyes. People don’t know it me; they are looking at the puppet. I feel the pressure but not as much. But if I do Ventriloquism, talk about putting yourself out there! You are exposed, relying on only yourself and God. God, I trusted but it was me that I didn’t trust.

But the waves are calling out my name, and they laugh at me. Reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed. The waves they keep on telling me time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win, you’ll never win…

I always had a little bit of stage fright in my life but I could always push through it. But lately, well lately it was getting worst. I couldn’t pinpoint a moment that caused it to get worst just times that push me back. Like right after my surgery when I had cancer, I had vocal damage and years of training my voice to hit high notes had vanished in one day. I couldn’t sing songs like I once did, I had to start over. I watch as choir solos and singing opportunities be given to others. When I did sing I was so nervous I would ruin it, I would fail at it, even when it was a range I was able to do. I was no longer the strong vocal leader. But it wasn’t just that, my ability to present in front of others would give me anxiety. Job interviews began to become difficult, years of working on the telephone caused me to fear face to face communication. Little by little, I got worst and worst till I realize one day it had gotten so bad. Anytime I got in front of people I would nearly panic, my failures were so many, I would flashback. But it was other things that cut even deeper.

Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with a just a sling and a stone…

I was standing behind the stage, so nervous I was even making the stage hands nervous. They did my best to comfort me but my mind was far away. I was thinking of my brother, who had lost hope. I was his biggest fan, he was an incredible actor. He did many plays during High School and had lead role at times. But he gave up hope, and just this year in January took his own life at only 28. I wish I could have done more so he could have been here to see me. He had always said to me, that he was my biggest fan. But now he was gone and would not be there to see me.

Many times I could overcome my fear and stage fright but when it came to doing Ventriloquism even though I had study & practice the art for 10+ years I had never actually performed. My mirror was my only audience and once in awhile I’d warm up to kids and talk to them using the skill, but never in front of crowds. I would freeze and almost refuse, only walking away feeling rejected.

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor. Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand.

The Emcee began to talk about Ventriloquism and the art. How it not easy, that there was no curtain and that you are exposed yourself. That it took practice and hard work, but can be accomplished and used as a ministry. That it took guts to get up and do it especially in front of experienced puppeteers. Words both encouraged and discouraged me at the same time, what if I mess this up? What if I can’t go through with this? Do I really have the guts to do this?

But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me, Reminding me of all the times, I’ve tried before and failed. The giant keeps telling me time and time again. “Boy you’ll never win, you’ll never win.”…

Ten years ago I felt the calling, yes, crazy as it seems to be called to do ventriloquism. Our church did not have the resources to start an actual puppet team. But I had a dream to do it one day, but I knew it would be years down the road. In the mean time, I was able to work with an incredible puppet team and learn from them. I was able to work behind the stage at camps, to learn technique and most of all be mentor by skilled puppeteers. But when I realize I would not be able to start a real team, I started feeling a pull towards ventriloquism, a puppet ministry that could be used by one person. But my mentors did not agree to it & cut me off.

“Ventriloquism is from the devil! That is evil and you should not even consider it. Vent puppets are rude, mean, disrespectful to not only the puppeteer but to others. That is devil work and should not be considering it at all. If you do we will not help you.” Those words hit hard, I was confused. In times of prayer I felt I was being drawn to this and other encourage me to try it. But was it from the Devil? I finally went to my pastor; I told him what they said to me. After listening to my story he told me something I have never forgotten.

“Each tool or talent we are given can be used many different ways. The same tool that used for evil can also be used for good. A hammer can be used to hurt someone but the same hammer in the right hands can be used to build a church for His Glory. Just be the right hands that do the right thing and it can be used for His Glory.” That small nugget of truth was enough to take that Giant of Fear and Doubt down.

But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground and the waves they don’t seem so high from on top of them looking down…

I took a deep breath as I stood in position to go out on stage but also to step out in faith, this was so much more than just a competition. I didn’t care what the judges had to say. I didn’t care if I got first place or last. I needed to face the waves of doubt and the giants of fear. I had to conquer this even though it wouldn’t be the first battle I would face but I had to start somewhere.

I will soar with the wings of eagles when I stop and listen to the sound of
Jesus singing over me.

She is just a little monkey puppet, with child like faith, full of hopes to tell kids and adults about Jesus. Her curious mind makes the gospel simple but fun. She was not rude or mean, she found other ways to make people laugh. She had a heart of gold, just like the lovely lady Sis. Lillian White, in whom Lily was named after; Lillian Chimpette, also simple known as Lily of the Valley. She would debut today to more than her little church. Her companion was myself, a girl with big dreams of sharing the gospel in a simple but fun way. But had just enough faith to step out and listen to the voices of truth. So when they finally announce us, the nerves were still there but I was stepping out behind the stage but also out in faith.

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story…

In a world that tells us so much negativity, they lie to keep from offending us; we have to learn to shift though all the voices and look for the truth and hold on tight.

The Voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”

When you focus on the correct voice and listen to God you have the greatest warrior standing in your corner. Why should we be afraid? Yet, human nature can be so strong at times; the question we have to listen to is ourselves or God?

The Voice of truth says “This is for My Glory”

Some will think you are doing it to glorify yourself. But when you do it for Him, he will put His Anointing on it. He will smooth out your flaws and let others not notice it. He will help you perfect it. Be your strength in times of weakness. And allow you to do more than you ever thought possible.

If you look back on my performance from that afternoon, you can see how nervous I was. You can hear it in my voice; my script was very much read and not natural at times. I had trouble having Lily interact with the crowd. But to me, I see the flaws but I see one battle completed. Dreams that seem too far away now come to view.

At this conference, Casting Crowns Song: Voice of Truth was used in performances on two different occasions. For me the song seemed to yell out to me but it didn’t get though at first. But when I left I listen to it again I had realized that when I was all mixed up with doubt there was voices of truth speaking through it all. Like my pastor saying “Go for it!” Others saying “You can do it”. The crowd of people that I was afraid would throw tomatoes at me, were actually cheering me on! When I listen to truth it drowns out the voices of doubts and lies.

When we got back our results I was shocked to receive the Silver Award. I felt like a million bucks and reading what the Judges had to say, I received much needed feedback that was express to help and not tear down. But the shocker of them all was when I was awarded “People’s Choice”. I had no idea I would receive that award and felt like crying! When you stop and choose to focus on the Voice of truth you can do things you never expected to do.

Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.

Listening to Truth,
Jacqueline